Monday, September 7, 2009

Malaise or Lazy?

Hmmm. I'm glad it's a holiday so that I don't have to count this as my first non-workday. It is very disappointing to be floundering so soon. I am a fish, yanked from the water and flopping about ineffectively on land. I will call tomorrow Day One.

Today I am trying to shake the malaise that came over me yesterday. It is an affliction of both spirit and body. I have a sore throat and an "off" feel. Of more import, though, is the feeling of despondency that I am sure relates to this major change of life situation. I was unable to put words to it, it seems to be coming from my unconscious rather than my conscious self. If I cannot name the thought or feeling, how am I to take dominion over it?

So, I will concentrate my efforts in the immediate future to an important task that needs done regardless of whether I feel the equal of it. It is a solid, definable, mechanical task and I just need to break it down into its parts and begin. I will sew.

I have a project that will challenge all my skills and push me to new levels. It is a beautiful dress for my beautiful SIL to-be. I have until September 22 to complete it and I have not yet begun. I estimate 60 hours minimum will be required. I'm intimidated but if I am able to walk head on into this and see it to completion, it would be a nice accomplishment to begin my new season of life. I have never worked on such fabrics, design, or techniques. And as my grandmother always said, "You never die on a day you learn something new." I should be safe for the next few weeks! So I will become imtimately acquainted with my new creative room and re-acquainted with my trusted sewing machine. It's a lovely, sunny yellow room. How can the malaise continue if I'm surrounded by color and being creative? It's time to dive in!

Sunday, September 6, 2009

A New Season

I have not recently hit my head. I did not awaken in a place I did not recognize. Yet, when I got up this morning, I realized that I'm not exactly sure who I am. At the moment it is interesting, not frightening. After 20-some years of "doing the right thing", "doing what needs done", and "being practical", I'm stepping out into the uncertain and impractical country of Possibility. Friday, September 4th, was my last day of work and I am now ready to uncover the new me. After years and years in offices and administrative work, I feel a bit uneasy about leaving my groove. I'm an INFJ. I admit that I like things to be orderly. So I just stepped onto this little floating dock and I haven't quite got my sea legs yet.

If I take an inventory of my skills and gifts as evidenced by this morning, I am proficient at re-heating Pad Thai, making excellent French press coffee, and whipping up a canine feast. Cats adore me, dogs respect me, and I'm married to Kent, a kind and considerate man. Clearly this qualifies me to create a blog.

Having the opportunity to re-invent oneself is too significant not to celebrate or commemorate in some way. I don't ever want to forget this adventure (though I do not suffer from amnesia, I know my memory is faulty) and I know I stink at journaling. At least in journaling as I've attempted it in the past. So here's to fresh starts and new beginnings [The clinking of coffee cups] and a blog.

I hope to use this blog to share things that excite me, keep a humorous perspective on change, and motivate me to stop and think about this wild ride we are on. In the future I would love to talk about cooking, frugal living, art, writing, friendship, and... fill-in-the-blank. As Kent has pointed out, although I have many interests that I finally can have the time to pursue, there are likely still others I haven't discovered.

So what might the future hold? Kent and I have taken the plunge to commit me full-time to our home, lives and interests and I've left my job (the most recent having been 11 years in a consulting firm for veterinarians). Kent works a special schedule of 3 very long days, allowing him 4 days each week to pursue his passions of sculpting and creating. And I foresee that my new persona will include promoting art, making our home even more of a warm haven, gourmet cooking adventures, improved frugality and self-sufficiency, weaving-knitting-designing my own textile creations, discovering new depths of friendship and usefulness to others and writing. And hopefully cultivating an openness to new adventures.

I expected much opposition to our decision to become a one-income household in the pursuit of interests and values less quantifiable than money. I was sure we'd hear about the economy and the uncertanties, the dire possible consequences and "have you really thought about this". And while there were a few of those comments as folks learned of our plans, the overwhelming responses were more along the lines of: "Yay!", "It's time!", "I'm envious", and "You'll never regret taking the chance."

While the motivating factors may be different and there are as many hoped for outcomes as there are people, I find it is a common desire to break out of the known and follow your heart. Maybe something I post here will help someone else find what they need to help them move in that direction as well.

We haven't hit the lottery, we aren't independently wealthy. It is not beyond the bounds of reason to live on one ordinary income. Dreams don't have to always be somewhere ten or fifteen years in the future. We haven't been promised unlimited time. I could continue to work hard at a job like I have and still have no guarantee that we'd actually be closer to where we want to go.

So, enough for now. Maybe in my next post I'll take a look at what we've done and the groundwork that has helped us reach this point.

Hey, this is exciting!