Deep in Thought

Yes, that would explain how I've been lately. So much to think about out. Much time in prayer, asking Adonai, through His Holy Spirit, to instruct me. I have been listening to the Torah (Genesis - Deuteronomy) and reading from the B'rit Hadashah (New Testament). My main question - does Messiah's gift of salvation through grace actually nullify God's instructions and commands from the Torah?

From my own reading, it appears that Christ/Yeshua Himself observed the feasts, kept the Sabbath, and followed the Torah. And we are told to walk as He walked. I don't see where He ever said that God's commands were to be tossed. His disciples, also, were Torah observant. When did we (Christians) start cherry picking commandments... "OK, we'll stick with the 'shalt not kill' and 'shalt not commit adultery', but 'remember the Sabbath to keep it holy' is really inconvenient, so let's chuck it. And 'not coveting thy neighbor's ---', well, how about just a little, we'll have a home improvement show and do a little Jonesing, what can it hurt?" Sounds like "doing what is right in their own minds". God's mind is not my mind. Can I get an Amen?

As I listen to God's laws and then read from the writings of Paul and Matthew, I am more and more uneasy that I have bought a partial theology. I certainly don't doubt that it is only through Messiah's shed blood that I am saved by grace, not of my own works. Nothing I can do will make God love me more or less. HOWEVER, my thankfulness and love for Elohim in return causes me to wish to obey His commands, heed His instructions, and reverence His Word. I find it a blessing, not a burden, as I learn and follow. My love for God and His Word grows, my passion is ignited, my gratitude is profoundly increased.

Romans 10:4, in most translations, reads that "Christ is the end of the law so that there may be righteousness for everyone who believes." But when I dig deeper, the root of the word here translated (telos) more frequently means 'goal' or 'purpose'. In which case, the meaning would be that Messiah is the goal that Torah aims at, rather than Christ brings the law to an end.

And in Matthew 5:17, Yeshua (Christ) says, "Do not think that I have come to abolish the Law or the Prophets; I have not come to abolish them but to fulfill them. 18 I tell you the truth, until heaven and earth disappear, not the smallest letter , not the least stroke of a pen, will by any means disappear from the Law until everything is accomplished." Because of Christ, the Law is no longer a burden, we have salvation, now it becomes an act of love and thanksgiving. AND, I am empowered by God's Holy Spirit to keep His commands and follow His instructions.

I also struggle with the confusion of where, exactly, does that then leave me. I am not Jewish. But I read that I am grafted into the tree. That means that for all intents and purposes, I am now one with the tree. I will take my nourishment from the same source and bear the same fruit. But the tree doesn't want to claim me, since I claim Yeshua Messiah. And what does being part of that tree really look like. I am reading carefully to determine what are the words from Adonai Himself and what are the things that man has made up and added to those words.

Elohim commands that we not eat of unclean meats. Pork, rabbit, shrimp - all elements of my diet thus far - are right out. But in some Jewish teaching, the rind of pork is OK, while I can't put dairy products with my meat. What? Well, apparently the rind of the pork was never meant to be eaten so it is therefore exempt from the unclean status. (Manmade stipulation) And as for the cheese in my chicken enchiladas? Well, there is that reference to not boiling a baby goat in its mother's milk. (Again, manmade stipulation, it takes some gymnastics to work this one up). So for now I am trying to learn what it was Adonai commanded and separate it from all the stuff man decided to add.

So I have small struggles (I really like bacon) and large struggles (Where would I fit in? Will friends or family reject me if I begin to live by my newly birthed convictions? Why does my boat have to be rocked at all? Why didn't I take Hebrew in high school instead of French?) There are many more questions and mostly I am reading, listening and then sitting, trying to be quiet, and waiting for God to show me His truth.

Anyway, I'm drifting. Here are a few things that I wanted to share: (the bold is my own emphasis)

Here is an excerpt from Derek Prince Ministries Weekly E-Devotional for June 7, 2010:
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Building on God's Laws
Here is a word for you from the Word.

Psalm 119:19-20
I am a stranger on earth; do not hide your commands from me. My soul is consumed with longing for your laws at all times. NIV

I suppose there comes a time in the life of every one of us when everything seams so impermanent, so transitory. We don't know where we can find anything that's permanent, that endures, that's secure. We ourselves are just like a little breath, a vapor that's here today and gone tomorrow.

Some people fight that off with some kind of addiction. They turn to alcohol or drugs or they give themselves over to some kind of fleshly indulgence because they don't want to face the fact of human impermanence; that we are not here to stay forever; that this world is not our final resting place.

But there's another way to turn. We don't need to turn to narcotics, to something that drugs us, to something that deadens us and blinds us. There's another way to turn. "Do not hide your commands from me. My soul is consumed with longing for your laws at all times." There is something that is permanent in this life; it's readily accessible to us. It's God's Word, its His laws, it's His commandments. And as we turn to these and lay hold upon them and begin to build our life on them there comes into our temporary, transient, impermanent life a new kind of solidity, an eternity that's from the Word of God. - Derek Prince
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As I am reading more, questioning more, learning more, I continue to ask myself if I am being drawn into some sort of legalism. I keep checking my heart and I don’t believe I am but I really appreciated these posts I found that help us have a measure for checking our hearts and also help explain why it seems to be such a fear:

Legalism: Yours, Mine and Ours

You Are A Legalist


Now for something lighter... Kent asked me a question that I thought I would repeat here - were all the pictures from my last post taken the same evening? Yes. They were. The sky was in a continuous state of change.

And here are a couple pics from Sunday evening's sky. I love the pinks and peach and that double arc.




I apologize if this post seems to be all over the place. So much has been going on internally and I've talked a lot with Kent, with my sister, and with Valerie, but I've not tried to share it in depth until now. But I've reached the point where it is beginning to overflow. This has been a long one. If you got this far, thanks for reading. : )

A New Season

I have not recently hit my head. I did not awaken in a place I did not recognize. Yet, when I got up this morning, I realized that I'm not exactly sure who I am. At the moment it is interesting, not frightening. After 20-some years of "doing the right thing", "doing what needs done", and "being practical", I'm stepping out into the uncertain and impractical country of Possibility. Friday, September 4th, was my last day of work and I am now ready to uncover the new me. After years and years in offices and administrative work, I feel a bit uneasy about leaving my groove. I'm an INFJ. I admit that I like things to be orderly. So I just stepped onto this little floating dock and I haven't quite got my sea legs yet.

If I take an inventory of my skills and gifts as evidenced by this morning, I am proficient at re-heating Pad Thai, making excellent French press coffee, and whipping up a canine feast. Cats adore me, dogs respect me, and I'm married to Kent, a kind and considerate man. Clearly this qualifies me to create a blog.

Having the opportunity to re-invent oneself is too significant not to celebrate or commemorate in some way. I don't ever want to forget this adventure (though I do not suffer from amnesia, I know my memory is faulty) and I know I stink at journaling. At least in journaling as I've attempted it in the past. So here's to fresh starts and new beginnings [The clinking of coffee cups] and a blog.

I hope to use this blog to share things that excite me, keep a humorous perspective on change, and motivate me to stop and think about this wild ride we are on. In the future I would love to talk about cooking, frugal living, art, writing, friendship, and... fill-in-the-blank. As Kent has pointed out, although I have many interests that I finally can have the time to pursue, there are likely still others I haven't discovered.

So what might the future hold? Kent and I have taken the plunge to commit me full-time to our home, lives and interests and I've left my job (the most recent having been 11 years in a consulting firm for veterinarians). Kent works a special schedule of 3 very long days, allowing him 4 days each week to pursue his passions of sculpting and creating. And I foresee that my new persona will include promoting art, making our home even more of a warm haven, gourmet cooking adventures, improved frugality and self-sufficiency, weaving-knitting-designing my own textile creations, discovering new depths of friendship and usefulness to others and writing. And hopefully cultivating an openness to new adventures.

I expected much opposition to our decision to become a one-income household in the pursuit of interests and values less quantifiable than money. I was sure we'd hear about the economy and the uncertanties, the dire possible consequences and "have you really thought about this". And while there were a few of those comments as folks learned of our plans, the overwhelming responses were more along the lines of: "Yay!", "It's time!", "I'm envious", and "You'll never regret taking the chance."

While the motivating factors may be different and there are as many hoped for outcomes as there are people, I find it is a common desire to break out of the known and follow your heart. Maybe something I post here will help someone else find what they need to help them move in that direction as well.

We haven't hit the lottery, we aren't independently wealthy. It is not beyond the bounds of reason to live on one ordinary income. Dreams don't have to always be somewhere ten or fifteen years in the future. We haven't been promised unlimited time. I could continue to work hard at a job like I have and still have no guarantee that we'd actually be closer to where we want to go.

So, enough for now. Maybe in my next post I'll take a look at what we've done and the groundwork that has helped us reach this point.

Hey, this is exciting!